TORONTO – Sally Hutton was disappointed today when her crush Diego Michaels posted a picture of a sunset to his close friends Instagram story, a feature where Instagram users can share updates with only a selected group of their followers.
“Diego and I have been flirty in the DMs, so I was really hoping to see an abs shot or like some deeply personal information the two of us could bond over,” said Hutton. “But it was literally just a picture of the sky. Like, what? Golden hour was too much for a public post, my dude?”
Hutton wasn’t the only person perplexed by Diego’s choice to share a sunset with his close friend’s list. Former co-worker Dylan Salts – initially surprised to be included in the close friends feature at all as he hasn’t spoken with Diego in three years – was livid with the decision. Salts expressed his distaste for the sunset picture in a private group chat.
“A sunset? Really? Close friends stories are for petty gossip, manic episodes, and thirst traps ONLY. Those are the rules. If that hot idiot doesn’t post grey sweatpants or a workout pic next time, I’m going to unfollow. I don’t even care how good-looking he is.”
For his part, Diego seems blissfully unaware of people’s feelings about his use of the close friends function.
“I really like to curate the experience of my social media profiles,” said the model and fitness instructor. “It is a chance to share little snippets of the things that matter to me with the people who matter to me. A shot of a sunset, a flower, or even a weird-looking puddle is a perfect way to invite your close friends into your mind’s eye.”
At press time Diego’s close friend list had not expressed their anger about the sunset photo directly, as they are still hoping one day to sleep with him.