OTTAWA — As the final results were tallied Monday night, the “new” Liberal minority government was proud to announce the culmination of thousands of hours of manpower and weeks-long campaigning: a fun focus-building activity for kids of all ages.
Pulling up twin maps of the 2019 and 2021 federal elections on the digital whiteboards behind him, Trudeau challenged Canadian sleuths to uncover the “over 40 fun-filled differences” between the two images.
“Now these pictures look virtually identical at first glance, but if you take a closer look you’ll see we’ve actually used $650 million dollars to carefully switch a couple things around. For example, the Sudbury riding which used to seat Liberal MP Paul Lefebvre, is now filled by Liberal MP Viviane Lapointe.”
While the election has done little to alter Canada’s political landscape, what it has resulted in is, as Trudeau points out, a great way to “kill some time while on a road trip, at the doctor’s office or in line for three hours outside of a polling station.”
Continuing with his victory speech, Trudeau lauded his party’s hard-fought barely discernible difference.
“What we have accomplished today is nothing short of ‘historic’, in the sense of the word where it means similar to preceding events in history.”
“The message from Canadians is clear, while they hated the idea of holding a snap election during a global pandemic, they are merely indifferent about having me as their Prime Minister. Which the Liberal party considers a win.”
While the Prime Minister was tight-lipped as to any further solutions to the popular Highlights magazine segment, he did coyly hint that Canadians should “perhaps take a gander at Miramichi-Grand Lake riding.”
At press time, Canadians already bored of the puzzle had flipped the page to read the long-running cartoon feature “Trudeau and Tru-don’t”