Devastated Toronto Blue Jays fans in perfect place mentally for Leafs season to start

TORONTO – After the Blue Jays were eliminated from the playoffs in dramatic fashion, experts agree that Toronto fans are now in the absolute ideal mental state to get ready for a new season…

Guest star in TV show must have won a contest or something

NEW YORK- This week’s episode of Law and Order: SVU continued to break viewership records, but the main mystery plaguing viewers was the actress playing Hudson University’s professor of English, …

Quiz: Do you live in a failed state or just Alberta?

Sometimes it’s difficult to tell whether you’re living in the Wild Rose Country or a distant failed state requiring UN intervention due to government failures. Take this quiz to find out. 1. What…

Man raised by wolves unable to explain his tech job to parents

TORONTO – Randolph Farkas was left utterly flummoxed after trying every conceivable way to explain what he does as a profession to his parents Luca and Fang, two adult gray wolves.  Farkas,…

Opinion: I am so much better than everyone in this Taco Bell

By: Bryler Chadwick Why is it that every time I eat at Taco Bell, I’m surrounded by people who eat at Taco Bell?! Like, what kind of people eat this crap? I’m a normal, respectable guy who works …

Business refusing to enforce vaccine passport has been violating labour laws for years in preparation for this moment

TORONTO – Saying the moment he has been waiting for was finally here, David McGrath, owner of Tito’s Bar and Grill, proudly announced that those who were not vaccinated were just as welcome…

PM spends Truth and Reconciliation Day pondering ongoing genocide of Indigenous Peoples while getting in one last summer swim

TOFINO, B.C. – As Canada observes its first National Day for Truth and Reconciliation, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is setting an important example for Canadians by occasionally taking tim…

Kenney proposes two-tier dying system

EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Jason Kenney is proposing to create more private access to the province’s dying system. The UCP leader says that he has a desire to improve how the government goe…

Jason Kenney assures Albertans he still having “Best Fall Ever”

EDMONTON – As Alberta reels from a 4th of COVID wave brought on by relaxed restrictions during the province’s promised “Best Summer Ever”, premier Jason Kenney assured frightened citizens t…

Half-eaten chip bag retrieved after 8 minutes in cupboard

TORONTO  – Reports found that yesterday local copywriter Gavin Issac retrieved his half-eaten family-sized bag of all-dressed potato chips exactly eight minutes and sixteen seconds after pu…