OTTAWA – As local residents do their job of stopping angry convoy “protestors” from occupying the city, Ottawa police have been asked to at least pitch in and do some of these residents work.
“Ideally the cops would be the ones blocking the roads to downtown so more right-wing militants in pickup trucks can’t make life miserable for people just trying to live their lives,” said local woman Asha Dupruis. “But if not the least they could do is cover my shift at Starbucks while I do it.”
“I asked Ottawa Police to send at least two officers though since my job is a lot tougher than theirs.”
Over the weekend thousands of residents held up convoy trucks while police officers posed for selfies and allowed those already in the downtown core to set up a hot tub. This has prompted speculation that Ottawa Police are taking the side of the protestors, although high-ranking officers in the department insist they’re just lazy and bad at their jobs.
“Mr. Henderson asked me to complete the F-540 form and then prepare a powerpoint presentation for the 3pm all hands meeting, but I can’t figure out how to log in to the system” said officer Wayne Lincoln. “In retrospect it probably would have been easier if I just did my job and let the guy I’m filling in for do his.”
“Does anyone know how this thing works,” said another officer as he hit the office photocopier with his nightstick.
Mayor Watson and Police Chief Sloly have issued a joint statement asking the Trudeau government to immediately issue them reinforcement officers so they can fill in at more jobs, freeing up more residents to stop the convoys.