Breaking: Cat apparently eats flowers now
REGINA, SK – Household sources are reporting that, as of 8pm last evening, the cat apparently likes to eat decorative flowers now. This stunning feline development was first witnessed by ca…
Toddler slamming on xylophone mistaken for jazz legend
CALGARY – This past Saturday evening, toddler Jacob Williams was mistaken for jazz legend Duke Ellington while slamming on his xylophone. Jacob was gifted the xylophone at his third birthda…
China releases two Michaels, offers Canada loyalty card good for deals on future hostages
BEIJING – Following a deal that resolved charges against Huawei executive Meng Wanzhou, China has released detained Canadians Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor, and included a complimentary…
Elon Musk splits from Grimes, claims he “needs more Space”
AUSTIN, TX – Sources close to Elon Musk and Grimes have confirmed that the two are separating after Musk confessed that he “needs more time and space – specifically, outer space.” “I …
Alberta demands ‘have-not’ provinces carry their share of its ICU patients
EDMONTON – As Alberta’s COVID hospitalisations hit a record high, Premier Jason Kenney has decried other provinces for not shouldering their fair share of the ICU load. “This is a ‘have’ provinc…
US Soldier forgot his keys in Afghanistan, will grab them next time he’s there
MONTGOMERY, AL- After returning home from his last tour of Afghanistan, United States Armed Forces Staff Sergeant Daniel Leary has discovered that he lost his keys overseas, but fully plans to re…
Canada quietly quadruples military spending as it realises it has 20% of the world’s fresh water
OTTAWA – Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland released a statement late last night announcing an increase in funding for the Department of Defense. Further investigation revealed that the inc…
Three endangered killer whales pregnant – no, it’s not good news, father is the killer whale devil
VANCOUVER – Marine researchers were initially happy to report that three critically endangered killer whales have recently become pregnant all at the same time, until further tests revealed…
Close friend Instagram story wasted on a sunset
TORONTO – Sally Hutton was disappointed today when her crush Diego Michaels posted a picture of a sunset to his close friends Instagram story, a feature where Instagram users can share upda…
