CALGARY – Local bumbler Kevin Hurst is planning to enter his hammock with a variety of easily spilled snacks and beverages, prompting onlookers and analysts to anticipate a series of zany hijinks. “As...
Editorial: This is my very bad, not thought out opinion and if you get even a little mad at me I’ll freak the fuck out
By: Liza Garr To all of you fortunate readers who have the honour of reading my words, welcome to the editorial section. This is a space where I feel comfortable to share my malformed and hastily stre...
Alex Jones claims he’s being played by a crisis actor
AUSTIN, TX – Infowars founder Alex Jones has entered his defense in the $150 million lawsuit filed against him by Sandy Hook parents, claiming he’s never heard of Infowars and is, in fact, bein...
Millennial in six-figure debt for education dreams of someday being in six-figure debt for house
HAMILTON – Local 31-year-old Madison Clair, a newly licensed veterinarian who currently owes a combined total of $118,846 in federal and provincial student loans, reports that her greatest dream...
“Poilievre is too extreme to win a general election,” says man who also said that about Harper, Ford, Trump and the other Ford
Langley, BC – Local man Eric Anderson is confident that, even if he becomes Conservative leader, Pierre Poilievre’s extreme right-wing positions will make him totally unelectable, despite ...
‘Never Have I Ever’ Toronto ad features couple who have never been renovicted
TORONTO – The team behind the ubiquitous ‘Never Have I Ever’ spots showcasing Toronto residents who have never participated in well-known Toronto experiences like going to the ROM or...
Grocery store that fixed price of bread denies fixing price of everything else
BRAMPTON, ON – In response to accusations of hiking food prices higher than the rate of inflation resulting in record profits, grocery giant Loblaws, which previously admitted to fixing the pric...
Shakespeare festival to spice things up by casting actors they used before, a lot
STRATFORD, ON – Canada’s biggest Shakespeare festival is hoping to excite and intrigue audiences with their groundbreaking plan to cast actors they’ve cast many, many times before. “Shakespeare ...
Toronto police spend $1m on flip flops for officers to patrol beaches
TORONTO, ON — Toronto Police Service are spending $1 million on flip flops as officers have patrol the beaches for this year’s Summer season. “It’s a matter of having our officers adequately equipped ...
Sick fuck prefers middle seat
TORONTO — An Air Canada flight to Orlando was grounded Thursday after it was revealed that a sick fuck on board actually requested to sit in the middle seat. “When I asked if he’d mind switching spots...
