Ford: This was a hard decision that we refused to make until the very last minute
TORONTO – After cancelling school classes for another two weeks less than two days before they were set to resume, Ontario Premier Doug Ford said it was a very difficult decision he could h…
Hockey fan called a hero after noticing Habs are bad at hockey
MONTREAL – A quick-thinking hockey fan is being praised as a hero after informing the Montreal Canadiens that the team is bad at playing hockey. Long-time Habs fan Patrick Martin quickly no…
Workplace reminds you mental health comes first unless it impedes productivity
MONTREAL – Earlier this week tech start-up Fraggle sent a company-wide email reminding employees that mental health always comes first unless it impedes their productivity or makes their co…
Italian doctors recommend drinking seven glasses of pasta water each day
MILAN – A public service announcement released by the Policlinico of Milan hospital today reminded people that despite the cold weather of the winter months, they should remember to keep ad…
God announces long awaited Golden Girls reunion special
HEAVEN – After years of speculation from fans, God announced today the highly anticipated Golden Girls reunion special is now available for subscribers of Heaven. “We’ve been wa…
Jaunty young lad seeks help for serious gambolling problem
WINNIPEG – With much love and encouragement from his friends and family, local man, Matthew Weatherstone, decided to finally seek professional help for his gambolling addictio— Huh? Oh, it …
Marvel announces reboot of Elephant Man
BURBANK – Marvel Studios has announced another addition to its packed 2022 schedule, a reboot of the 1980 David Lynch film The Elephant Man. The film is unusual for Marvel, not only because…
Billionaire killed after accidentally trying to withdraw his money from the caimans
FLORIDA — Tragedy struck this week after famous billionaire Harold Yates was found mauled to death in a swamp. Investigations into his death revealed that the 85-year-old oil tycoon had died afte…
REBEL Night Club adds new COVID-19 safety measures, including ban on men yelling in girls’ ears trying to explain cryptocurrency
TORONTO – A popular night club has added a number of new COVID-19 safety measures to ensure patrons feel safe on their nights out, including a ban on men yelling while explaining their likely fla…
