MISSISSAUGA, ON ― A local driver entered the history books today after being pulled over and ticketed for driving 6 km over the speed limit, despite being behind the wheel of a Toyota Corolla. Ke…
Transportation
Doug Ford points to study that bikes are primary cause of gridlock in apartment building hallways
Toronto, ON – Addressing the media today, Ontario Premier Doug Ford presented compelling new evidence that bicycles – not cars – are the main cause of congestion in apartment building hallways. …
Ontario passes bill allowing bike paths that lead to walls with tunnels painted on them
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford’s government successfully passed a bill today allowing municipalities to create bike paths throughout the province so long as they lead to a wall with the …
New TTC initiative introduces personal fare inspector for every rider
Toronto, ON – In an effort to reduce fare evasion, the Toronto Transit Commission has introduced a new initiative: personal fare inspectors for every rider. Using a Tinder-style app, every TTC ri…
Mediaeval battering-ram operator reincarnated as guy on bus with backpack
VANCOUVER — Local barista Rob McNair smashed thirty-eight fellow transit riders with his backpack earlier today while acting on unconscious instincts from his previous incarnation as a soldier in…
Frustrated driver keeps one wheel in bike lane to show cyclists how it’s used
TORONTO, ON ― Fed up with cyclists slowing traffic in the car lanes they’re legally entitled to use, local driver Hugh Weaver is taking it upon himself to show them how it’s done. “I never unders…
F150 drivers pleased to learn electric version even deadlier to pedestrians
CALGARY – Ford F150 pickup drivers across Canada were pleased and relieved to learn that the electric version of the vehicle is even better at annihilating unsuspecting pedestrians than the…
John Tory announces new “Vision Zero money spent on road safety” initiative
TORONTO, ON ― After years of failure to deliver road safety measures that in any way resemble the innovative Swedish program whose name they bear, John Tory recently unveiled plans for a more att…
Student driver fails “Yelling at innocent cyclist” portion of road test
TORONTO, ON – Seventeen-year-old Alexandra Green failed her road test yesterday after neglecting to scream and curse at a law-abiding cyclist. The biker, who was safely riding on the right side …
Pearson International security lines backed up to Billy Bishop Airport
TORONTO – Officials at Pearson International Airport confirm that extensive delays have resulted in a 26.7-kilometres-long lineup for security, stretching all the way into the lobby of the …
