Little free library just dumping ground for self-help books that failed to save marriages
CALGARY – A local woman perusing her community’s little free library is disappointed that she can only find weathered self-help books that couldn’t get the job done. “I was hoping to discover a c…
Twitter bursts into flames and rams pedestrians immediately after Musk buy
SAN FRANCISCO – After Tesla CEO and richest man alive Elon Musk’s bid to buy controlling shares of Twitter succeeded, the app subsequently burst into flames and began ramming nearby pedestr…
Macron credits French election win to being “marginally better than fascism”
PARIS – Emmanuel Macron has defeated Marine Le Pen to win 5 more years as President of France, and credits his victory to representing an “almost negligible improvement over the only other …
Ontario vows to crack down on stunt driving unless you actually do something sick
TORONTO, ON – The Ontario government released a statement last week pledging harsher penalties for stunt drivers except for those who manage to pull off really gnarly car tricks that will c…
Local man confused that knowing all the stats for the 1997 Buffalo Sabres hasn’t opened more doors
ST. CATHARINES, ON – Local man Devon Rettinger recently expressed bewilderment that his thorough knowledge of the statistics of the Buffalo Sabres in their 1996-1997 season hasn’t led to mo…
Deadbeat sun thinks it can just come back after all this time
VANCOUVER — Across the city Spring has begun unfolding in all the predictable ways; flowers blooming, jackets shrinking, and The Sun, that deadbeat asshole, sneaking back into our lives expecting…
5 return-to-office tips for not being recognized as a husk of your former self
Uh oh! Your co-workers haven’t seen you in person since March of 2020, back when you were a hopeful idealist with a pep in her step and a contagious joie de vivre. Now you’re an empty shell only …
BC gov’t vows old-growth forests will be protected, varnished
VICTORIA – In honour of Earth Day, the BC Government has reaffirmed its commitment to protect the province’s remaining ancient, old-growth forests using a number of varnishes, stains, or se…
5 small joys you can cut out of your life and still not be able to afford a home
With home prices doubling in the last 5 years and increasingly divorced from the incomes of Canadians such that the real estate market has created a completely parallel universe devoid of anythin…
Efficient new edition of TurboTax just asks how much fraud you’re comfortable with
OTTAWA – Sources have learned that this year’s standard edition of TurboTax skips right to the point by asking “So, how much you wanna try pulling over on the feds?” when the program is launched.…
