Boris Johnson leaves yet another party disheveled and without a clue what’s going on

LONDON, UK — After numerous calls for his resignation, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has finally stumbled out of the Conservative Party despite not understanding what he did to piss everyo…

Friend who knows more about finance than you always losing money

MISSISSAUGA, ON – According to a recent analysis of financial trends within your friend group, it was revealed that your friend Liam who totally knows everything about finance is also the s…

Read our best guesses as to what Patrick Brown did

Well over 24 hours since they disqualified Patrick Brown from the leadership campaign for “serious allegations of wrongdoing” the Conservative Party still has not announced what Brown…

Population of Manitoba plummets when residents realize they’re allowed to leave

WINNIPEG -The Province of Manitoba has experienced a devastating population collapse after former residents learned that they could just, like, leave whenever they wanted to, and it wasn’t even i…

Five ways to guilt friends into seeing your terrible Fringe Play

It’s Fringe season, y’all. You’ve spent months — or at least hours — writing and rehearsing your masterpiece. A dance interpretation of the House Hippo PSA told from…

Critics question whether new Downton Abbey movie really needed to open the multiverse

HOLLYWOOD – Inspired by hit movies like Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, the new Downton Abbey film will introduce multiverse theory into the lives of the beloved Crawley family. The …

Need advice overthrowing a democratically elected government? Better Call Brad!

Paid Advertisement Have you or your family failed to win public support for violently overthrowing a Canadian government? Are you occupying a country’s capital but failing to win any sympathy bec…

Canadian man spends entire summer inventing excuses for why he can’t go camping

Stratford, ON – Local man Eric Morgenstern will once again be spending his summer thinking of reasons why he can’t join friends on their upcoming camping trips. “Life would be s…

Nine percent rise in gas prices forces CEO to triple own salary

Irving, Texas – CEOs from oil and gas companies are suffering just like the rest of us, so much so that in light of rising inflation and “other stuff,” they’ve been forced to triple their y…

Boyfriend blissfully unaware of how often partner weeps at his imaginary funeral

WINNIPEG – Local Jared Marshall lives a peaceful life in Manitoba; working by day, relaxing by night, all the while unaware that behind closed doors his partner weeps at the idea of his ima…