Guy who’s about to puke really selling this “not gonna to puke” thing

London, Ontario – Western University student Kyle Layton gave the performance of his life at a kegger near his dormitory last night convincing the other party goers he was not going to puke…

Elon Musk as committed to Twitter takeover as he is to fatherhood

AUSTIN, TX – In a move that surprised no one paying attention, billionaire baby daddy Elon Musk has shown as much long term interest in Twitter as he does in his nine children (that we know…

Woman shops for new wardrobe, like it matters

MONTREAL – A local woman has begun shopping for brand new clothes, even though nothing fucking matters anymore.  “I’m sick of everything I own”, says Layla Veenstra, who just finished a doc…

80s nostalgia peaks with return of hole in ozone layer

WATERLOO – The 80s revival inspired by the hit Netflix show Stranger Things has reached new heights as scientists announced they have discovered a hole in the ozone layer. “If you thought t…

Rogers announces all customers affected by nationwide outage will receive free copy of Ted Rogers’ autobiography

TORONTO – After a massive nationwide outage left people without internet, cable or phone for 24 hours or longer Rogers Communications Inc. reiterated how sorry it was and promised that ever…

Student driver fails “Yelling at innocent cyclist” portion of road test

TORONTO, ON – Seventeen-year-old Alexandra Green failed her road test yesterday after neglecting to scream and curse at a law-abiding cyclist.  The biker, who was safely riding on the right side …

Putin determines cyber attack against Canada not necessary since Rogers is far more effective

MOSCOW – Russian President Vladimir Putin has determined that allowing the existence of Rogers Telecommunications as a major provider in Canada is much better than launching a cyber attack …

Rogers proudly announces $10 service charge for “Unplug and Relax” nationwide outage

TORONTO – Rogers Canada has proudly announced that all of their customers nationwide who experienced cellphone and internet outages yesterday will only be charged a low $10 service charge f…

Juraj Slafkovský excited to play in front of Montreal’s famously patient and understanding fans 

  MONTREAL – After being selected first overall in the 2022 NHL draft, 18-year-old Slovakian left winger Juraj Slafkovský is thrilled by the opportunity to play for Montreal’s serene hockey …

Rogers offers Canada’s fastest, most reliable outages across the country

Paid Advertisement Experience Canada’s most reliable 5G network outages!  Rogers Communications Inc. allows customers to deny access to the most basic telecommunications services. Upgrade to Roge…