QUEBEC CITY, QC – Premier of Quebec Francois Legault has recently asked the federal government for more support with its number of immigrants, stating the province can barely produce enough xenophobia for the newcomers currently residing there.
“In the past year, Quebec has seen over 60,000 migrants settle in,” Legault told the press last week. “Natural-born Canadians still outnumber these newcomers four to one in some places, but we are still stretched quite thin. If Montreal drops the ball, more than half of these immigrants might never get called a racial slur on the bus.”
“It’s quite upsetting to think the government might not do anything while we’re forced to become a province of tolerance and welcoming,” said Sherbrooke resident Sylvain Renault. “If no assistance is given, we might have to shut down the xenophobia factory, unless we hire more immigrants so that we can accuse them of stealing our jobs.”
“If we let any more foreigners in without the proper framework, I might have to use the same derogative term for different minorities!”
Premier Legault states that Quebec faces unique challenges when it comes to supporting intolerance. “We can barely get people to learn French, let alone whatever languages these newcomers are bringing in. Granted, we don’t have to learn their mother tongues, but we’d really like them to know what think.”
In recent years, the Quebec provincial government has petitioned Ottawa for many forms of assistance, including importing bigots from the western provinces, annexing the Kingston valley, and increasing language education to the point where citizens can differentiate between a Quebecois and someone from a different country that also speaks French.
Deputy premier Genevieve Guilbert has called for citizens of Quebec to lend a hand to supplement the discriminatory framework the government has already put in place. “While we at the provincial government have made great strides with banning religious headgear, doing nothing to increase diversity in our police departments, and making it impossible to find a decent shawarma restaurant in Gatineau, there is still more civilians can do.”
“Even if every Quebecois pitched in with the smallest micro-aggression to someone they believe to be of foreign origin, it would help our overtaxed discrimination services enough to ensure that this essential part of the newcomer to Quebec’s experience is accessible to all. This holiday season, just close your heart a little more.”
At press time, Leguilt continued to work on his proposal to the federal government to ask for either the right to restrict the number of visas they are required to accept or funding to paint more Swatsitkas on random buildings after figuring out the bare minimum of migrants needed to keep the asbestos industry afloat.