Doug Ford grants powers to new Strong Mayors, Fast Mayors, Heat-Vision Mayors
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has emerged from his secret underground laboratory to announce his successful creation of a new breed of mayor with the strength, speed, agility and superhuman…
Journalism students rush to sign up for ‘report whatever cops say as true’ seminar
TORONTO – Students at Toronto Metropolitan University’s journalism program were eager to attend the annual cops always tell the truth seminar. “As journalists we’ve been t…
Local man wishes there was more he could do about Roe v. Wade
WILMINGTON, DELAWARE ― With the ramifications of the reversal of Roe v. Wade beginning to ripple across the country, pro-choice Americans are seeking out ways of helping maintain access to aborti…
Edmonton man furious he actually does know ‘Steve from Toronto’ American acquaintance just asked about
CANCUN – Local man Garth Evers was beside himself to discover he actually does know the ‘Steve from Toronto’ this American he just met on vacation inquired about. “When he…
British Empire begs Sun to set on it
LONDON — As a record-setting heat wave sets Europe ablaze, the UK has reported its hottest day-time temperature ever recorded, leading many of its inhabitants to cry out at the sky pleading for …
BREAKING: Jesus seeks new brand management
GOLGOTHA – After a tumultuous, decades-long relationship with Evangelical Christians, Jesus H. Christ finally announced He is seeking bids for new brand management. The announcement arrived…
Summer fun: Top five Edmonton patios to inhale exhaust
Summer in Edmonton – synonymous with warmth, sunshine, and idling vehicles. To help you take full advantage of this season, we rank the best patios for maximal exhaust exposure. 1. Julio’s …
Back To The Future remake sees Marty go back to 1992, buy house
HOLLYWOOD, CA – A newly-announced reboot of the classic 80s sci-fi comedy Back To The Future will reportedly center on a teen who travels back 30 years to 1992, and purchases a home for und…
Home prices still at levels experts call “Oh Fuck Me”
VANCOUVER – Despite early indications some Canadian housing markets may be cooling, benchmark home prices remain well within the threshold experts call “oh fuck me”. Whether prices will de…
