TORONTO — Local mechanic Jason Pringle is refusing to seek medical attention after sustaining a severe head wound that has left a portion of his brain exposed.
“It’s nothing, really. I’d just be wasting the doctor’s time,” said Pringle, who hasn’t had a checkup since 2005.
“I googled it and having a bit of brain showing is totally fine. People used to do it all the time back in the middle ages, and I can see why. The breeze on it feels great, and if I give it a little squeeze I can smell cinnamon buns.”
The injury, which occurred when Pringle cracked his skull on an engine block, is the latest in a string of health emergencies he has neglected to get help for, including a broken wrist, a ruptured testicle, and a series of minor heart attacks.
“Pringles aren’t whiners. When I was a kid my dad had two policies on health care, suck it up and walk it off. And he lived to be almost twice my age,” boasted the 31-year-old.
But Pringle’s wife, June, believes he has another reason for not getting the injury checked out.
“He’s terrified of doctors,” she said while mopping up a puddle of blood and drool. “It’s pointless to try to make him go to the hospital, he’ll just hide in the woods like he always does.”
Area physician Megan Browning confirms that Pringle’s condition is actually quite common among his demographic.
“Around 30% of Canadian men suffer from an extreme fear of doctors and medical procedures,” she said. “It’s one of the main reasons we administer vaccinations at Shopper’s Drug Mart — it helps them convince themselves they’re at the post office.”
Although Dr. Browning has graciously offered to make a house call to examine Pringle’s contusion, at press time he could not be located and is believed to be cowering in the forest behind his home.