Report: The only thing that loves you unconditionally also loves licking its own butthole
VANCOUVER – Researchers at the University of British Columbia Faculty of Science report that the only thing that loves you without question feels the same way about tonguing its tuchus. The…
Ford dons “Scary Canadian Charter” Halloween costume while invoking notwithstanding clause on CUPE workers
QUEEN’S PARK – While invoking the Notwithstanding Clause to prevent CUPE education workers from striking, Premier Ford appeared dressed in the most terrifying Halloween costume he could ima…
Pierre Poilievre wins Parliament’s Halloween Costume Contest with spot-on Milhouse
OTTAWA – Not content with only winning the Tory leadership election this year, Pierre Poilievre can now add another victory to his resume. He has just won the 2022 House of Commons Hallowee…
Canada to allow international students to work more hours to expedite exploitation
OTTAWA, ON- Canada has finally stepped into the 19th century by removing labour limits on how many hours international students are allowed to work, so that they don’t need to wait for graduation…
Poltergeist struggling to leave threatening message on toothpaste caked mirror
EDMONTON — The ghostly entity inhabiting the creepy old house at the end of Palmer Road is completely fed by the new occupants’ lack of cleanliness. The current residents of Ashcroft Manor inclu…
Village Idiot buys Town Square
YE OLDE PAOLO ALTO – Surprising both maidens and lads, village idiot Elon Musk has purchased the town square and shall now rule it as he sees fit. “I decree that all may now enter the…
Study: Drivers debating between Express and Collectors choose slower one 100% of the time
TORONTO – A new study by the University of Toronto has concluded that people driving on the 401 near Toronto choosing between the Express and Collectors lanes choose the slower option every…
Police: “We could have handled Freedom Convoy without Emergencies Act, we just didn’t wanna”
OTTAWA – As police officers from the RCMP, OPP and Ottawa Police continue to downplay the necessity of the Emergencies Act in finally ending the Freedom Convoy Protest, they have made it cl…
