Woodbridge, ON – Caleb Chen, a Grade 4 student, had a slow smile creep across his face after hearing his teacher pronounce the french word for seal: Phoque.
“Every year when we do animals we get to this chapter in the book and all the kids think it’s the greatest day ever,” said Madame Tremblay. “But I’ve never seen anyone’s face light up like Caleb’s. It was like Christmas meets Pizza Lunch day meets my parents are tired so they let me just play Minecraft all weekend.”
“I’m pretty sure he thinks he’s the first person to ever make the connection between the French word for seal and the English slang for sex. It’s actually kinda cute.”
Chen immediately began whispering the word to his friends in hushed tones, barely even trying to put a french accent on it, and coming up phrases like ‘I really like that Phoque you game me’ and ‘What a nice Phoque you have there.’ Eventually Tremblay had to send him to the principal’s office where he was confident the loophole would save him.
“Unfortunately you have no right to punish me Principal Dunsmuir. For you see I was not cursing. I was merely commenting on and appreciating the noble seal. I love how it balances a ball on its head and you can’t prove otherwise. So unless you have some proof I was saying some other word that sounds like seal I suggest you dismiss these outrageous charges and we both carry on with our days.”
Unfortunately Chen’s defence fell apart after he was heard saying ‘For [Seal]’s sake. I mean what the [Seal] do I have to [Seal]ing do to get my mother[Seal]ing dad to buy me a new Playstation. I know he has the money that [Seal]ing cheap piece of merde.”
At press time a local geography teacher was mentally gearing up for the class when they learned about town names in Newfoundland.