Simon Paluck, Author at The Beaverton - Page 2 of 6
Simon Paluck


Simon Paluck is a writer and director in Toronto. Now read that backwards. Doesn't make sense, right? Right. Instagram: @directedbysimon


Grocery bag really excited to become garbage bag

OTTAWA – A report coming from the nation’s bathrooms and under the kitchen sinks have found that your plastic grocery bag is really excited to be used as a garbage bag. “Mih Yinkd hah…


Sick fuck stores milk carton on its side

Markham, ON – Local man, Mark Hamilton, stores his milk carton on it’s side like a goddamn fucking animal. “It’s just more ergonomic this way,” stated a deranged Hamilton, who wedged the af…


Report: Casa Loma just some rich guy’s house

TORONTO – After decades of research, local historian Dr. Suraj Burnman has conclusively reported that Casa Loma is just some rich guy’s house. “The way people from Toronto talk about it, yo…