NEW YORK CITY – Trump Hotels, a luxury line of hotel accommodations across the United States, has announced that they will be immediately rebranding after stunning revelations that the chain is n…
Health Canada orders all people to wear full-body costumes from the Masked Singer when out in public
OTTAWA – In the midst of many provinces reopening parts of their cities during the COVID-19 pandemic, federal health officials have mandated that anyone attending a public business must wear an e…
Toyota deeply regrets “Catch the Corolla Virus” ad campaign
JAPAN – Following an immense public backlash, Toyota Motor Corporation has issued a complete and unequivocal apology for the poorly considered wording of their multi-media ad campaign titled “Cat…
Health Canada asks Canadians to at least brush their teeth, for God’s sake
OTTAWA – Amid the current worldwide shutdown leading to the majority of Canadian citizens practicing self-isolation in their homes, Health Canada has urged people to at the very least consider br…
Secret government lab where coronavirus was created going to have serious talk with staff about this
LOCATION CLASSIFIED – The top secret government laboratory located in LOCATION REDACTED where the novel coronavirus was first concocted has confirmed that they will be calling an all-employees st…
Health Canada implements new rule that customers can only leave grocery stores with as much food as they can fit in their cheeks
OTTAWA – Amid widescale reports of hoarding and empty store shelves, the Federal Government has mandated that all grocery store customers can only purchase as much food as they can store in their…
IOC asks all athletes to participate in Tokyo Olympics from their homes
SWITZERLAND – The International Olympic Committee has asked all athletes to help fight the ongoing Covid-19 crisis by competing in the upcoming Tokyo Games from the isolation of their own homes. …
Fancy Tim Hortons just as bad
TORONTO – In the aftermath of the grand opening of a new, high-end Tim Hortons in the heart of Toronto’s financial district, customers have confirmed that it’s definitely just as bad as all the o…
Senate enters swimsuit competition portion of Trump impeachment trial
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following the legal submissions of both the Democrats and Republicans as to whether President Trump should be removed from office, the impeachment trial is now set to move on to…
RCMP close financial crimes unit after losing entire budget in air duct cleaning telemarketer scheme
TORONTO – The nation’s federal law enforcement agency has announced that they will soon be closing the headquarters of its Ontario financial crimes unit after accidentally losing its entire opera…
