NEW YORK – After spending the majority of her adult life as the victim of ludicrously complicated villainous heists, Christa MacDonald, grad student and longtime girlfriend of NYC’s second most f…
Canadian actor enters 40th year as “emerging artist”
TORONTO – Canada’s film and theatre industries came together yesterday in celebration as Kenneth Barnes, a 60-year-old veteran actor with hundreds of plays, tv shows, and films under his be…
Terrified man still trapped in friend’s immersive theatre show
NEW YORK – 50 year old mechanic Paul Jenson is currently in a state of panic after spending the last four hours unsuccessfully trying to leave critically-acclaimed “Into Our Collective Darkness,”…
QUIZ: We should totally grab a coffee sometime! When are you free?
Oh my god, HEY! It’s me, your friend from university! Wow, I can’t believe I ran into you here on the street, of all places! What a crazy coincidence! We haven’t seen each other in, what, five ye…
SPCA halts production on live-action Cats movie until all actors are spayed
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Fans of the legendary Broadway musical Cats were thrilled to watch the first trailer for its upcoming live-action film adaptation yesterday, but further production has been …
Woman dies from third degree burns after finding perfect shower temperature
EDMONTON – In a tragic domestic incident yesterday, 30-year-old Mandy Whitehouse died from horrific burns covering almost her entire body, after finally finding a shower temperature that was warm…
Zounds! Foolhardy woman to travel solo without gentleman chaperone!
TORONTO – To the extreme consternation and dismay of the right-thinkers around her, Trisha MacDonald, a girl-child of 23, announced yesterday that she has taken it upon herself to venture forth i…
Life Hack! Destroy all semblance of happiness by turning your hobbies into barely profitable side hustles!
Hey Millennials! How many times have you caught yourself saying, “Man, between the terrible job market, climate change, resurgence of actual Nazis, and having no money for rent or basic necessiti…
Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice
CHESHIRE, UK – After years of being the lone contributor to her village’s sacrificial blood rituals due only to the fact that she is a virgin, 18-year-old Josephine Paine finally spoke out in an …
Scientists confirm cool teenagers can smell your fear
KINGSTON, ON – A team of scientists at Queen’s University issued a press release yesterday stating that after a harrowing study, they have officially concluded that cool teenagers can smell when …
