
Hey students! It’s midterm season and you know what that means: essays are due! Love ‘em or hate ‘em, you’re bound to encounter at least one— and you’d better be prepared for the inevitable moment when you realize your essay isn’t long enough. Time to panic? Or time to embrace the fundamental knowledge that judging a person by their facile, post-secondary compositions truly degrades their intellectual and physical capabilities? Take this quiz to learn the truth!
QUIZ: Is your essay too short, or are post-secondary treatises a futile and meaningless exercise in quantifying intellectual abilities in a way that presents a moral and physical hardship to their creator?
You are the classmate everyone hates.

But congratulations: your essay was long enough, perfect, and made everyone else’s look bad. Hope you’re happy. Grade: A
QUIZ: Is your essay too short, or are post-secondary treatises a futile and meaningless exercise in quantifying intellectual abilities in a way that presents a moral and physical hardship to their creator?
Your essay is definitely too short.

Hopefully those drawings were funny enough to distract your teacher from the fact that you clearly shrunk the margins in what you thought was a clever ruse! Grade: B
QUIZ: Is your essay too short, or are post-secondary treatises a futile and meaningless exercise in quantifying intellectual abilities in a way that presents a moral and physical hardship to their creator?
As if you would debase yourself by handing in the essay at all!

This exercise in futility has proven that the very foundations of academia could truly benefit from your intellectual discourse. What’s more, it is altogether clear that your professor will understand the hardships to which you have been subjected, and alter her syllabus to avoid forcing such banal exercises on you in future. Grade: What, precisely, even are grades, exactly?