SURREY, BC- In an exciting turn of events, 29-year-old boyfriend Ben McDonald revealed himself to be a real life Paddington bear today when he bundled himself up in his little coat and boots and headed out to run his little errands.
Simply by virtue of him wearing his little coat, McDonald has instilled unbridled fear that he would be whisked away by a charming British family while waddling onto the subway in his cute little boots and his hat that is too big for his adorable little head.
“I don’t really understand where this comparison is coming from and honestly it’s a bit infantilizing,” said McDonald when reached for comment. “Though I guess it’s better than that time you called me ‘lil Yogi Bear’ for a week because I wore a tie”
“I’m a coroner’s assistant and those comments were not helpful for the grieving family,” he added with a sigh
Regardless of his objections, the resemblance remains uncanny as the coat has pockets – no doubt used to carry small crustless sandwiches that he’ll gobble on a park bench where his little feet probably wouldn’t even touch the pavement.
“I’m 6’1,” McDonald was overheard muttering.
According to sources, McDonald looks so adorable in his little coat that there is no other explanation then: he is a small magical bear who came from Peru and is so cute that he now must evade capture by a sinister taxidermist played by Nicole Kidman.
Many other witnesses close to McDonald agree with the assertion that he looks just like the loveable character.
“Doesn’t his briefcase look just like a little suitcase? He’s probably got a widdle jar of marmalade in there,” added his mother, pinching his cheeks.
At press time, McDonald had added a scarf to his ensemble, inexplicably elevating the look into “Ikea Monkey” territory.
