Hey single men out there, we all know how hard it is to maintain that soft, perfect dad bod shape, the one that makes the ladies say, “Oh yeah, he’s definitely good father material.” We’ve all do…
Tag: summer
Local patio can’t wait for start of drunk asshole season
TORONTO – As the days get longer and the weather gets warmer, the patio at local restaurant Bennie’s is ramping up to Drunk Asshole season when it’ll finally be covered by boozy morons bein…
Hungover robin wishes humans would shut the fuck up
Trenton, ON – After coming home late following a drunken evening with friends, a hungover Robin wished the humans talking loudly below his tree branch would shut the fuck up. “I met t…
“I love people watching” reports local creep
KANMORE — Noted creep Jake Gubis has expressed his excitement for the leering – or ‘people watching’ – opportunities that warmer weather will bring. ”It all started when I went …
Report: Everyone else’s summer hopes and ambitions fulfilled except yours
SACKVILLE, NB – Early reports indicate that everybody on Earth had achieved all they wanted to do this summer. Well everyone except you. According to sources every single human alive had ma…
We ranked the summer’s top five movies with Minions in them
It’s no secret, The Minions are getting a lot of work in Hollywood these days. But with so many movies featuring these little yellow dudes, it can be hard to choose which movie featuring The Mini…
Frat members form human chain to rescue beer cooler swept out to sea
FLORIDA – Earlier today, dozens of fraternity brothers from Alpha Kappa Phi braved the pounding surf and formed a human chain in a daring rescue effort to reach a beer cooler swept out to s…
Local man enjoying summer romance with single pair of board shorts
Brampton, ON — According to sources, local man Dustin Rassmore is in the throes of a summer-long romance with his sole pair of summer bottoms, a pair of turquoise Hurley board shorts. 25-year-old…
5 incredible road trips you’ll never be able to organize your friends into taking
Summer is here, but your friends are unreliable. Here are five amazing road trips you’ll never be able to organize them all into taking. 1. Boston Beer and BBQ Festival The Boston Be…
Low-grade depression is summer’s hottest accessory
NEW YORK- Style forecasters and trendsetters alike are thrilled to announce low grade depression is the trend of the summer. Hot off cubicles of that 9-to-5 desk job that you took just for the wi…
