Let’s go to the Ex! The CNE is back in Toronto until September 3. And what would summer be without the outrageous food and classic rides? Sure there is a massive labour dispute where 400 stagehan…
Tag: summer
Man with summer cold convinced this is the most any person has suffered
SHERBROOKE, QC – Twenty-seven-year-old Jason Brossard concluded earlier today, without any sense of irony or exaggeration, that the fact that he contracted the common cold out of season is …
Fat kid’s cannonball dive produces disappointingly small splash
CHILLIWACK, B.C. – Wearing an XXL white t-shirt to cover his portly frame, witnesses report that local fat kid, Kyle Walker, 11, known to his friends as “Tiny” attempted a sorry excuse for …
Man suffering heat stroke told not to complain about the heat because it often snows in January
TORONTO – Local man Kevin Meyer, debilitated by the effects of high temperatures, has been repeatedly told by friends and family not to complain about the heat because several months from n…
Local man reconnects with cottage owning friend every year about this time
TORONTO – Local resident Michael Soplinka, 28, has once again used the month of June to get in touch with his ‘lifelong’ friend Eric Gaston, whose family happens to own a cottage on Georgia…
Toronto’s hottest rooftop patio is already at capacity, sorry
Toronto’s newest, hottest, and most exclusive rooftop patio is Queue. Located on the rooftop of a now defunct travel agency, Queue offers a post-industrial boho chic vibe with the standard 80 ite…
Every patron on bar patio loudly praising craft beer
TORONTO – The warm summer air was alive with the sound of admiration this weekend as every patron on a local patio praised their choice of beverage with conspicuous enthusiasm. “THIS SAISON…
Men: Here are 5 ways to get your slim, ripped winter body into peak “Dad Bod” for summer
Hey single men out there, we all know how hard it is to maintain that soft, perfect dad bod shape, the one that makes the ladies say, “Oh yeah, he’s definitely good father material.” We’ve all do…
Local patio can’t wait for start of drunk asshole season
TORONTO – As the days get longer and the weather gets warmer, the patio at local restaurant Bennie’s is ramping up to Drunk Asshole season when it’ll finally be covered by boozy morons bein…
Hungover robin wishes humans would shut the fuck up
Trenton, ON – After coming home late following a drunken evening with friends, a hungover Robin wished the humans talking loudly below his tree branch would shut the fuck up. “I met t…