TORONTO – Eric Bromley, a learned internationalist who clearly holds himself too sophisticated for such parochial pursuits as hockey or basketball, settled down to enjoy an English Premier …
Tag: Soccer
Canada discovers paying millions to host World Cup easier than getting there by being good at soccer
OTTAWA – Canada has discovered a new way for its team to qualify for the World Cup: paying millions of dollars to host the event. The joint bid from Canada, the United States and Mexico to …
Blue Jays players warned to not risk injury by trying any more ‘baseball stuff’
TORONTO – Team Physician Dr. Jason Smith has warned the remaining healthy players on the Toronto Blue Jays not to try any more ‘baseball stuff’, as the risk of injury is too great. “There h…
FIFA reminds Trump to leave corruption, racism to the professionals
LONDON – In light of Donald Trump’s travel ban, FIFA president Gianni Infantino has said that the US could be prevented from hosting a future World Cup should the president continue to encr…
TFC’s Giovinco tragically unable to stop scoring goals in everyday life
TORONTO – Despite not having played a game in several days, Toronto FC forward Sebastian Giovinco’s body has not allowed him to stop scoring goals, netting thirty-two in total across venues…
WORLD CUP FINAL: German efficiency trumps whatever Argentina is known for
RIO DE JANEIRO – With a narrowly scored last-minute goal, the German World Cup team’s efficient and relentless play has triumphed over Argentina’s style, which was probably hot or spicy or …
Report: bleak reality waiting on other side of World Cup finals
BRASILIA – With the World Cup finals only hours away, the planet is slowly coming to the realization that the return to the blend of despair and panic that characterizes their ordinary, hol…
Exiled Nazis conflicted over Germany-Argentina World Cup matchup
RIO DE JANEIRO – The surviving members of Argentina’s once-extensive Nazi war criminal community find themselves torn over whom to cheer for in Sunday’s World Cup final between their adopted home…
Angela Merkel calls on Brazil to stop importing German goals
BELO HORIZONTE – In the wake of Germany’s 7-1 World Cup semifinal trouncing of Brazil, Angela Merkel called on Brazil to cut back on its importation of German goals. “This sort of imbalance…
Neymar injures 4th vertebrae after helping father carry heavy bags of cash
São Paulo, BRAZIL – Brazilian football sensation Neymar suffered another setback yesterday after the forward injured his fourth vertebrae helping his father carry large bags of cash. Neymar…
