UNCEDED WET’SUWET’EN TERRITORY – Following a pre-dawn raid to remove Indigenous occupants from several camps in northern B.C. today, the RCMP is defending its practice of removing journalis…
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Doug Ford has 95% approval rating among kids who hate school
HAMILTON – Premier Doug Ford and his Ontario PCs are decisively ahead among children who hate their schools, principals, and teachers. According to an Ipsos poll, 95% of Ontario elementary …
US Senate confirms committing crimes not illegal
WASHINGTON – Senate Republicans have confirmed that the crimes committed by US President Donald Trump, including abuse of power and obstruction of Congress, were not illegal. In a 53-47 vot…
Neat! Murdoch Mysteries has been on so long it now takes place in the future
What a twist! Turns out Beloved CBC tv series Murdoch Mysteries, about an early 20th Century detective with disturbingly pretty eyes, has been on the air for so many years that it now takes place…
Kansas City Chiefs confirm they will go to Seattle for White House visit
KANSAS CITY, MO – Following their stunning 31-20 Super Bowl victory over the San Francisco 49ers, the Missouri-based Kansas City Chiefs have confirmed they will accept President Trump’s inv…
Conservatives distance selves from Scheer by crowning scandal prone white man who can’t win Quebec
OTTAWA – Seeking to put plenty of room between them and the disastrous leadership tenure of Andrew Scheer, the Conservative Party is preparing to anoint as leader Peter MacKay, a man credib…
Man watching porn on incognito mode pretty sure he has everyone fooled
Timmins, ON – Troy Lambert, a cunning rapscallion, believes he has gotten one over on the universe by watching pornography using google chrome’s incognito mode. “Now no one will know that I…
Mum just calling to check you don’t have coronavirus
Oakville, ON — While she’s sure you’d be in touch if anything was wrong, your mum just called to check you don’t have coronavirus. “I’ve heard it’s been going around and I wanted to be sure,” she…
Bell CEO’s mental health dramatically improves after millions of dollars of free advertising
TORONTO – Bell Canada Enterprises CEO Mirko Bibic’s mental health improved substantially after seeing the millions of dollars generated from #BellLetsTalk, a free advertising campaign…
Report: Outbreak of idiocy spreading 10,000 times faster than coronavirus
TORONTO – Public health officials in Toronto have confirmed its first 50,000 cases of being a misinformed fuckwit as xenophobic conspiracy theories and tales of false cures continue to spre…
