TORONTO – As the danger from Coronavirus increases daily, Keith Dellware is reportedly congratulating himself on his foresight and frugality by holding on to the same cough mask he wore during the 2003 SARS outbreak.
“Those surgical equipment fat cats were probably rubbing their hands together when this coronavirus hubbub came out.” Dellware said from inside the kitchen cupboard where he kept the mask. “But I saw them coming! They aren’t getting their hands on my $3.57!”
“Still fits” he mumbled as he placed the yellowing, moist mask over his mouth.
Despite the obvious logic in saving hygienic equipment for future use, Dellware had a difficult time getting his wife to let him keep it.
“Every year she would try to ‘MarieKondo’ it out of our house. But what sparks more joy than saving your life and a couple bucks all in one?”
The mask is the last item needed by Dellware to complete his epidemic emergency kit, which includes the blanket he found on the street during the swine flu outbreak and the crystals he bought to ward off Mad Cow Disease, which have proven 100% effective.
At press time, Dellware is reportedly calculating how much he will save on transit now that he’s been advised to not leave the house by the authorities.