RIKERS ISLAND, NY – Jailed rapist Harvey Weinstein has claimed that the novel coronavirus that causes COVID-19 has penetrated his body without his consent. Tests have confirmed the presence…
Tag: Featured Post
Group hanging out in park presumably celebrating the blood on their hands
VANCOUVER – A group of friends chatting, drinking and generally having a grand ol’ time in the park this past weekend were presumably celebrating the fact that they are now responsible for …
NCAA searching for new ways to exploit student athletes after cancellation of March Madness
INDIANAPOLIS, IN – The cancellation of college basketball’s March Madness tournament due to the COVID-19 crisis has left the NCAA scrambling to find new ways to exploit their 500,000 studen…
IOC asks all athletes to participate in Tokyo Olympics from their homes
SWITZERLAND – The International Olympic Committee has asked all athletes to help fight the ongoing Covid-19 crisis by competing in the upcoming Tokyo Games from the isolation of their own homes. …
TTC adequate for first time in 40 years
TORONTO – Bragging that it had been “two whole days” since they had to use shuttle buses, authorities report that for the first time since the late 20th century, Toronto’s mass transit syst…
Place you bought Jeans from six months ago wants you to know they’re doing everything they can to combat Covid-19
Markham, ON – In an urgent email sent out this morning, the place you bought jeans from six months ago wants you to know there is absolutely nothing they value more than your health and wel…
Quarantined man celebrates St Patrick’s Day by doing keg stand alone in his living room
KINGSTON – As cities around the world cancel their St. Patrick’s day festivities over coronavirus concerns, one Queen’s University student was determined to stick to his initial plans respo…
Employees at home working hard at pretending to work
OTTAWA – Millions of Canadians working from home due to the COVID-19 pandemic have started their days off pretending to be hard at work. “I could read these documents that my manager sent t…
Breaking: All the news happening all at once
EARTH – According to reports from every single human being’s television, social media and worried mothers, all the news is currently happening right now. “I took a 10 minute shower and when…
Public health authorities deploy emotionally absent fathers to teach social distancing
WINNIPEG – Health authorities in Canada have deployed hundreds of emotionally absent fathers to teach the public about their techniques in social distancing to help prevent the spread of CO…
