TORONTO – In an effort to avoid another costly leadership race the Conservative party has decided to forego the traditional secret ranked ballot process and just have the dairy lobby tell t…
Tag: Andrew Scheer
Conservatives sure party members who supported Scheer and Bernier last time will now choose a centrist leader with mass appeal
OTTAWA – As the Conservative Party leadership contest officially gets underway party insiders expressed confidence that the same members who last time supported libertarian, racist uncle Ma…
Justin Trudeau orders Santa Claus to avoid Saskatchewan and Alberta
OTTAWA – Still angry over the election results and their threats to separate, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has ordered Santa Claus not to drop off any presents to families living in Saskat…
Conservative Party demands knowledge back from Scheer’s kids
OTTAWA – The Conservative Party has announced that following Andrew Scheer’s resignation as party leader, they will also be expecting to recoup the knowledge his kids acquired while attendi…
Scheer checks into rehab for milk addiction
OTTAWA – Former Conservative Party Leader Andrew Scheer has checked himself into a treatment center for his milk addiction. “After a conversation with my kids, my loved ones, and my friends…
CPC furious after Scheer pays for private schooling with party funds instead of oil kickbacks
OTTAWA — As Andrew Scheer resigns the Conservative leadership, party leaders are furious he used campaign funds to pay for his children’s private schooling, as opposed to the usual so…
Andrew Scheer makes first savvy political calculation
OTTAWA – Sitting in a darkened room, his fingers steepled in contemplation above a chess board, the newly-resigned Conservative leader awaited the consequences of the first intelligent poli…
Fighting dirty, Andrew Scheer refuses to give Tories who don’t support him any of his homemade fudge
OTTAWA – Taking a stand against Conservatives who have called on him to stand down as leader, Andrew Scheer has been going to party meetings around the country with a tray of homemade fudge…
“You think you got problems, buddy?” sobs Scheer drunk on milk to bar patron
OTTAWA – A sad scene unfolded at an Ottawa bar as Andrew Scheer succumbed to the anxiety of an uncertain future as Conservative Party Leader drinking far too many dairy beverages. “Oh, your…