OTTAWA – Still angry over the election results and their threats to separate, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has ordered Santa Claus not to drop off any presents to families living in Saskatchewan and Alberta on Christmas Eve.
“On election night Alberta and Saskatchewan delivered us a clear message. But now it’s my turn to send a message in response,” said Trudeau during his annual North Pole call to Santa. “And that message is: you suck, and you deserve a sucky Christmas.”
“Everyone with a cowboy hat or an I Heart Oil & Gas shirt must go immediately on the naughty list! ” he added.
This is only the latest in a long line of Trudeau family actions against the West. After his Liberals didn’t win any Alberta seats in the 1974 election Pierre Trudeau forbid the easter bunny from delivering eggs to Alberta children, no matter how hard they searched. Similarly when his party fared poorly in the GTA during the 2008 election, Stephen Harper forbid Jesus from answering any Torontonians’ prayers.
Sources said Santa, a strong Liberal who always supports the party by wearing that famous red suit, was not surprised by the PM’s instructions. However he did refuse Trudeau’s further demand to dump a ton of coal on Calgary.
“Of course it’s hard to see disappointment on the rosy cheeked faces of all the little boys and girls of the Prairies,” said St. Nick. “But then again, if they wanted that Peppa Pig doll, maybe they should have convinced their parents to do a little strategic voting.”
Fortunately for Alberta and Saskatchewan children, Andrew Scheer has reportedly already bought a Santa suit for Jason Kenney as a backup for the big night.