Internet consulted for proper Saran Wrap wrapping technique
Struggling with her roll of plastic wrap, local food consumer and preserver Sheryl Lemeshuck turned to internet website wikiHow for help late Tuesday evening. “I’d never really master…
Hospital to offer Breaking Dawn themed birthing option
ALTONA, MB – A hospital in Manitoba is offering expectant mothers the option to undergo a vampire C-section similar to the one described in Stephenie Meyer’s novel Breaking Dawn. “We all know tha…
Ford to slay Toronto’s Dragon of Wasteful Spending
ETOBICOKE, ON – Recently elected Mayor Rob Ford has announced plans to single-handedly slay Toronto’s Dragon of Wasteful Spending, a 44 headed monster weighing over 21.3 billion tonne…
Internet cafe user caught peaking into neighbouring Internet cafe user’s booth
WINNIPEG – Last Thursday at a Portage Avenue Internet café, an elderly man peeked into the booth beside the one he was using. The neighbouring booth was occupied at the time by a pair of st…
Annoying writers exclaim ‘news brief’ following any observation they make
THE BEAVERTON – Two self-absorbed writers for a Canadian fake news publication believe nearly everything they say is worth publishing for the enjoyment of others. Anytime one of the writers says …
Joey Votto: ‘Can I have $10 million now?’
CINCINNATI, OH – In a telephone conversation with his agent shortly after winning the National League MVP, Cincinnati Reds first baseman Joey Votto repeatedly asked if he was now going to e…
