Detroit begins turning off sunlight for low-income residents
DETROIT – In response to non-payment of property taxes, the City of Detroit has undertaken a massive city-wide effort to block sunlight from the homes of its poorest residents. “They came a…
Leafs retaliate against jersey throwing fans by throwing zamboni back at them
TORONTO – The Toronto Maple Leafs got revenge by throwing the Air Canada Centre’s Zamboni at the three Leafs fans who threw their jerseys onto the ice at Monday’s game against t…
Justin Trudeau promises 30% more
OTTAWA – Unveiling his party’s first policy, Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau is pledging to all Canadians 30% more. Trudeau also unveiled more details on what is expected to be his party’s pl…
Israel defends photo-bombing, claims selfie defence
BEIRUT – Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netenyahu defended Israel’s Miss Universe decision to photobomb Lebanon’s candidate claiming it was done in selfie defence. “Israel and her beauty p…
Study: It’s not what you know, it’s who you know that’s rich
VANCOUVER – Researchers at the University of British Columbia have completed a study proving that knowledge, skill, and accreditation are meaningless in the face of how many wealthy people you kn…
10 ways to balance the federal budget
With plummeting oil revenues, the federal government is scrambling to balance the budget and avoid another deficit. Here’s some suggestions on how to do that: 1. Retrofit Royal Canadian Nav…
John Baird warns international community about Palestine’s growing stockpile of breakfast material
JERUSALEM – Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird is raising the alarm about the growing cache of eggs, fruit, naan bread, baba ghanoush and other types of dangerous foods hidden deep inside …
Respective Canadian journalists each have the scoop on who is the bigger prick
TORONTO – Sources indicate that two Canadian journalists have suppressed stories on each other being “a prick” due to the almost certainty of running into each other. The two journalists, w…
Patriotic Canadians rejoice at thousands of other Canadians losing Target jobs
SAINT JOHN – Canadians from all corners of the country are expressing relief and pride that the American discount retailer Target is closing all stores in Canada leaving 21,000 other Canadi…
