BEIRUT — Syrian refugees expected to arrive in Canada were consoled by the fact that they are not welcome to live in Saskatchewan following Premier Brad Wall’s concerns that some of them may be terrorists looking to harm Canada.
Thousands of men, women and children living in refugee camps explained that they would be much happier in a place where they wouldn’t be viewed with added suspicion by politicians, and even happier not having to endure the frozen, apocalyptic hellscape that is Canada’s prairies.
“I would like to live in a province where the Premier understands that I’m fleeing terrorism and not a part of it,” explained Samina Nada, a mother of four who has been living in a crowded Lebanon refugee camp for two years. “Also, I would feel desolate and alone with only endless prairie to look at all day. How can people live there? The closest bookstore is two hours away.”
Other refugees were much harsher on Canada’s rectangular province.
“I would rather endure another aerial bombardment than watch another re-run of Corner Gas”, lamented Basim Kareem who fled Homs when Syrian government forces began to shell the city. “There’s only so much I can converse about potash and wheat. And let’s be honest, the only thing more humiliating than living in a province with a CFL team incapable of playing football, is living in a province where people actually care about CFL football.”
Saskatchewan residents, meanwhile, can’t help but view this latest development as a missed opportunity.
“It’s too bad,” said a sad Georgina Fox from Lumsden. “I was really looking forward to trying the kefta at Boston Pizza.”
