Ugly Christmas sweater party turns into ugly Christmas sweater orgy
WHISTLER, BC – an innocent chance to socialize while ironically wearing clothing designed to celebrate the holiday season took on a more sexual tone this weekend, when all the party goers d…
Ottawa recognizes foreign credentials of skilled immigrants with automatic taxi license
OTTAWA – Immigration Minister Chris Alexander has announced a new program to attract the most desirable economic immigrants by promptly issuing them a cab license. “Canada has a labour shor…
Gingerbread housing market expected to crumble
NORTH CHRISTMASLAND – A team of economists have released a report detailing an impending price drop in the gingerbread housing market. “Gingerbread families can’t afford the mortgages baker…
Empty shampoo bottle enters third month in shower
ABBOTSFORD, BC – Despite being void of any shampoo for the past 90 days, a 1.17 L bottle of TRESemmé shampoo still remains in a local man’s shower. The owner, Eric Mannix, has ignored pleas…
The true meaning of the season
BY KRAMPUS, THE GERMANIC YULETIDE DEMON Guten Tag! With the holidays upon us once more it is time for I, the Krampus, to reflect on what is truly important. Oh, I’m certain things seem very simpl…
Unpaid intern in charge of organizing $100,000 staff party
WOODBRIDGE, ON – Sources inside DHP Logistics Ltd. report that unpaid intern Steve Daniels, 26, is organizing the company’s annual, $100,000.00 holiday soiree “This will be a great opportun…
Jonathan Bernier praises Magic Johnson for ending apartheid
TORONTO – Following an interview in which he claimed that Nelson Mandela was one of the athletes he grew up watching, Toronto Maple Leafs goalie Jonathan Bernier went on to state his admira…
Drake prepares Forest Hill crew for retaliation against Diddy
TORONTO — Following an alleged dispute over the weekend at Art Basel in which Diddy punched Drake in the face, Drake has begun rallying his Forest Hill crew in anticipation of a massive ret…
Grand jury fails to indict white cop for shooting of unarmed black president
WASHINGTON – A grand jury has today failed to indict Officer Thornton Smith following the high-profile shooting of a 53-year old United States president that was captured on video in front …
