PETERBOROUGH – ISIS has sent a fruit basket in gratitude to the people responsible for deliberately setting Peterborough’s Masjid Al-Salaam mosque on fire this weekend.
“Honestly, we could not have anticipated such a positive reaction,” gushed an ISIS spokesperson. “To think our actions could reach people halfway around the world, and incite them to take up our cause of spreading fear and hate—it truly is touching. That you managed this while a family was present celebrating the birth of a new baby is very special.”
The fruit basket contained dates, oranges, and a signed photo of ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. Also included was a personal note that sincerely thanked the arsonists for their help in dividing the world along religious and racial lines.
“Thank you, anonymous hate mongers,” the note read, “for helping to promote our brand of violence with efficiency and grace. You have terrified innocent men, women, and children; you have taken safe spaces away from people who need them; and you have strengthened the ideology of West-vs-East, of Christian-vs-Muslim, that we rely on to sow unrest. It’s such a wonderful surprise to meet Westerners who hate peaceful Muslims as much as we do”
Refusing to buckle to the whims of the arsonists, community members of all creeds responded to the attack by launching a crowdfunding campaign to raise funds for repairs. By Monday morning, $48,000 had already been raised to help with the estimated $80,000 in damages.
Given their commitment to being despicable cowards, the arson suspects could not be reached for comment. At press time it is assumed they are proud to be terrorists.
With notes from Ian MacIntyre
