You are ten years old – what treat will you receive from Grandpa?
You’re ten years old, and it’s time for a visit to grandpa’s house. Will you end up getting a treat or will it end up being something much, much worse? To find out, start your j…
Breaking: The Beaverton obtains Parliamentary Press Pass
OTTAWA – In order to better compete with other media and bring readers the most reliable fake news, the Beaverton is going directly to the source and has been granted access to the Parliame…
The Indian Act
Marilla Wex reports on how the Trudeau government has finally found a way to solve the racial and legal complications surrounding one of Canada’s oldest laws.…
Boy who identifies as female told not to dress as a girl by male judge wearing a gown
MEDICINE HAT, AB – A 5-year old trans girl has been told not to dress as a girl in public by a male judge wearing a gown. Judge Martin Cromwell, who oversaw the custody case in family court…
Editorial: Why must humans enjoy Fall and ignore signs of death all around them
By: A Maple Tree It is with great sadness that I, Yggdrasil King of the Maples, reach out to you. I recognize that this letter must come as a shock. Many of you leg walkers have been deceived int…
The Beaverton Trailer
Coming November 9 at 10:30 pm on Comedy: The News. On Television.…
CETA UPDATE: Even other countries’ francophone minorities pissed off at Canada
NAMUR, BELGIUM – After talks on the Comprehensive Economic and Trade Agreement were stalled by the francophone minority in Belgium, it has become apparent that every francophone minority in…
Montreal resident shaves 45 minutes off commute by quitting job
MONTREAL — Local industrial designer, Frédéric Villeneuve, discovered a “life hack” for reducing his long commute that has recently made big waves on social media: Villeneuve quit his job. …
Leonard Cohen’s new album just hour-long 12 Hz vibration
MONTREAL – Canadian music icon Leonard Cohen has just released “The World as I Hear It,” a new folk-pop-blues album which contains a single 63-minute track recorded at the lowest frequency a huma…
TTC assures riders that heating on subway cars will be broken just in time for winter
TORONTO – In a public announcement today, TTC CEO Andy Byford has reassured a worried public that the heating system on its subway will cease to be operational by December, precisely as scheduled…
