Study: Drop in world life expectancy attributable to rising obesity, Gorthax the Hypergalactic Space Cannibal
FREDERICTON – A ground-breaking study out of UNB has concluded that recent reductions in world life expectancy is caused equally by rising obesity rates and the recent invasion of the planet by G…
Guide To: The North
Everything you wanted to know about life above the 60th parallel but were afraid to ask.…
Newfoundland sunk after collision with iceberg
HALIFAX – Four hours after a striking a massive iceberg, the Province of Newfoundland has sunk off the coast of Labrador leaving an unknown number of survivors. All contact was lost with Ca…
Exasperated God going to keep making new kinds of spiders until we stop being so racist
EARTH – After long eras of systemic racial discrimination by humanity, God has clarified he will keep inventing new, terrible kinds of spider until we stop. “Okay guys,” said God after Dona…
Ontario Liberals combat housing crisis by adding 58 storey condo to Queen’s Park
TORONTO – As part of its plan to open up provincial lands for the development of affordable housing, the Ontario government announced today that the 58 storey condominium they added to the …
Amazing! Man mad!
Strap yourself in, because this is really something! In an inspirational departure from the norm, it appears local man Seth Kellerson is very angry and expressing that anger on the internet. Trul…
Legal action forces restaurant to rebrand deathly hot wings as diarrhea wings
Burlington, ON – Following a class action law suit local sports bar Beer ‘n’ Birds Bar and Grill has been found guilty of false advertising after promoting their ghost pepper wings as ‘deat…
Quiz: What disappointingly bland Tim Horton’s food item are you?
From bagels to donuts to chilli to whatever potato dish they’re trying to force on people this week, Tim Hortons delights with food that ranges from ‘just fine’ to ‘nothing else is open’. T…
Fox News limits hosts to 5 sexual harassment scandal maximum
NEW YORK – Following their decision to fire popular pundit Bill O’Reilly, Fox News has announced they are setting a “hard limit” of 5 sexual harassments for all remaining on-air talent. Aft…
Dust blown off Porky’s tapes from coast to coast as nation celebrates Canadian Film Day
OTTAWA – Canadians from all across the country came together to celebrate Canadian Film Day by digging their old VHS copies of 1981 sex comedy Porky’s out from storage. “Porky’s wasn’t my f…
