Liberals plan legislation to make marijuana shittier, harder to get
OTTAWA – Leaked briefings have revealed Prime Minister Justin Trudeau will unveil legislation that would enable make obtaining and consuming marijuana “even more of a pain in the ass” befor…
Vote Kellie Leitch for CPC Leader! As long as you’re not one of those people.
Vote Kellie Leitch for CPC Leader! As long as you’re not one of those people.…
Fixing Toronto’s police culture: officers now have to undergo mandatory wine tastings
TORONTO – After a task force charged with modernizing the Toronto Police recommended sweeping changes to its culture, the TPS is demanding its officers develop an increased sensitivity to C…
NDP leadership candidates come dangerously close to having a debate
MONTREAL — The four candidates vying for the leadership of the federal NDP nearly came to a disagreement on party policy or qualifications causing what many consider to be a debate. Politic…
BREAKING: Elite squad of super pharmacists fills prescription in just 90 minutes
COBOURG, ON – Reports have emerged that an elite team of the country’s finest pharmacists have somehow managed to fill a customer’s prescription after a wait of only an hour and a half. “It…
Frantic cleaning of apartment before arrival of guests only quality time couple spends together
GUELPH – Early today Gary and Marsha Suffolk were struck with the realization that the only time they truly spend together any more is during the panicked apartment cleanup they perform about an …
Trump unsure if today’s backlash is because of something he said, did, started doing, threatened to do, or is thinking of doing
DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA – After yet another day of protests and media rebukes, Donald Trump is privately wondering if this backlash is due to a planned policy, enacted policy, an offensive twe…
iPhone autocorrecting words to ‘ALL HAIL THE GRAVE KING’ again
CUPERTINO, CA – Apple shares took a dip today, as iPhones worldwide once again began to autocorrect messages to read ‘ALL HAIL THE GRAVE KING’. “Hey, are you going to the ALL HAIL THE GRAVE…
CANADIAN VOICES: Baby capybaras born at High Park Zoo
After a high-profile escape from their enclosure at Toronto’s High Park Zoo last summer, two capybaras named Bonnie and Clyde have given birth to three offspring. What’s your say? &nb…
Report: Friend who claims to be “so broke” at brunch probably isn’t
OTTAWA – Findings from a recent study executed by the University of Ottawa’s Institutional Research and Planning department suggest that individuals who claim to be “so broke” during the course o…
