Canada responds to US lumber tariff by slapping 30% tax on white nationalism

OTTAWA — The Canadian government this week responded to US President Donald Trump’s decision to impose a 20% tariff on softwood lumber imports by implementing a 30% tax on America’s chief e…

Tim Hortons launches answer to Unicorn Frappuccino: a cup of neon paint

OAKVILLE, ON – Releasing it hot on the heels of Starbucks’ multi-coloured Unicorn Frappuccino, Tim Hortons has announced its own Instagram-ready drink: a cup filled with neon paint. T…

BV+: Has PC Culture gone TOO far?

  Meet the courageous Professor standing up to PC culture.…

Graduating university student going to miss having excuse to live in own filth

MONTREAL – After four years of using his educational status to deflect judgement, Concordia student Navin Singh already misses having a solid excuse to live in his own filth. “Used to be th…

Rex Murphy safely re-enters Ontario after snapping turtle hunt permanently banned

CORNWALL, ON – After years of living in fear of being shot at by ubiquitous snapping turtle hunters, Rex Murphy can finally enter Canada’s most populous province again following a decision …

Apple invents new laptop that is designed to be turned off once in a while

PAOLO ALTO – In a stunning announcement Apple Inc. has revealed that their new MacBook Pro has been specially built so that it will function better if turned off from time to time. “As our …

75% of Canada 150 budget spent on hiding worst parts of national history

OTTAWA – After rejecting most of the proposed Canada 150 projects in March, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau explained today that the majority of the anniversary budget had already been earmar…

Couple struggles to ferberize their smartphone

Halifax, NS – After purchasing their first family plan on Thursday, newlyweds Jerome and Anjelica Todd are struggling to ferberize their identical phones. “We knew it would be hard,” said A…

BLM vs police debate is taking away from the true meaning of Toronto Pride: corporate sponsorship

By: Mark Abdul Da Silva, Vice President of Big Synergy Marketing Inc. I’m disappointed to see the divisiveness caused by the conflict between Toronto Police Services and Black Lives Matter Toront…

Study: Drop in world life expectancy attributable to rising obesity, Gorthax the Hypergalactic Space Cannibal

FREDERICTON – A ground-breaking study out of UNB has concluded that recent reductions in world life expectancy is caused equally by rising obesity rates and the recent invasion of the planet by G…