Stock photo of white guy wins Conservative leadership race

TORONTO – In a surprise upset yesterday, the Conservative Party of Canada elected a stock photo of a 30-something smiling white man as their party leader. “When it comes to stock photos, th…

Rogers unveils new ‘Unlimited Cost’ cell phone plan

TORONTO – Telecom giant Rogers Communications Inc. has expanded its selection of mobile plans by announcing its new “Unlimited Cost” option. “With our latest plan, the data might still be limited…

Conservative Leadership Convention anxiously awaits swimsuit competition

TORONTO — The Conservative Leadership Convention has officially commenced in Ontario’s capital and attendees are waiting with great anticipation for the most important event during the two-…

4D chess? While you were distracted by Trump’s tweets, they made another ‘Cars’ movie

When you turn on the news, it’s nothing but Trump: a damning new leak, a diplomatic incident or domestic policy failure, or an impulse tweet that gets Trump into even more hot water. But while ev…

5 sundresses that are perfect to kick off chafing season

Hot weather means three things: fun, sun and the searing pain of seasonal chafe. Here are five trendy styles that say: there is literally a friction fire starting between my thighs: https://www.f…

Entire G7 waits for Trump to leave so they can start real summit

SICILY – After two days of shuffling blank papers and waving shiny objects, heads of state from G7 countries have begun preparing for the actual summit scheduled to commence after Donald Tr…

Hipster alcoholics excited for return of softball season

TORONTO – With the start of community softball, trendy drunks are once again rejoicing at being able to get hammered in public with total immunity. “I bought new cleats and a flat of Red Stripe b…

BC Green Party to form government with whichever party leader brings them the most pinecones

VICTORIA – The Green Party now holds the balance of power in the BC legislature, and they’ve announced they will give their full support to the party whose leader collects the most pinecone…

The Justin Trudeau Random Photobomb Headline Generator

Since any staged interaction between the public and Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is considered newsworthy and a ‘photobomb’, the Beaverton has developed a state-of-the-art random hea…

How To Plan A Wedding

  Need tips on how to plan the day you’ll pretend was the best day of your life?…