Sens shipping in fans from other teams to fill vacant seats
OTTAWA – After the team’s poorly attended playoffs series against the New York Rangers, the GM of the Ottawa Senators will be bussing in fans of other teams to fill seats in the Canadian T…
How to Get Invited to a Cottage
Only one week left to get that invite!…
University revolutionary pretty sure intelligentsia won’t get purged this time
TORONTO – Two years into his undergraduate degree, local student Sam Taylor is convinced he won’t be one of the ones put up against the wall when the revolution comes. “No, I’m on the Peopl…
Tim Hortons celebrates Canada 150 by replacing Double-Double with Sesquicentuple-Sesquicentuple
OAKVILLE, ON – In celebration of Canada’s 150th birthday, Canada’s favourite coffee chain will replace their world famous Double-Doubles with Sesquicentuple-Sesquicentuples for a limited ti…
Friend who insists people shouldn’t use soap smells like shit
VANCOUVER – Local friend and long-board enthusiast Zach Guentzel is on a mission to raise awareness that soap and other personal hygiene products are but ruses invented by Big Business to t…
New Air Canada plan allows passengers to collect points every time they’re abandoned at an airport
MONTREAL – Air Canada’s new loyalty program will allow passengers to collect 100 points every time they’re bumped from a flight and abandoned overnight at an airport. The Montreal-bas…
Quiz: You think you’re better than me?!
I saw you giving me the eye from across the subway car! Yeah, I’m talking to you Mr. plaid shirt and blue jeans! Something about me amuses you or something? Take this simple quiz to find out if y…
Opposition finally catch on that Trudeau has been replaced by cardboard cutout for two weeks
OTTAWA – Two weeks after a life-sized cardboard cutout of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau replaced the actual Prime Minister, opposition parties have finally caught onto the ruse. “I knew som…
Environmental Protection Agency gives forest new identity
OREGON – In order to preserve one of Oregon’s last remaining old growth forests, the EPA has transplanted the group of trees into a suburban neighbourhood, and given it a new identity and b…
Pizza Pizza hires first Italian employee
Pizza Pizza hires first Italian employee.…
