Portraits of Canadiocity: Peter Mansbridge
Canada’s most famous Peter?…
Fire truck in Canada Day parade desperately trying to get to actual fire
WAINFLEET, ON – A small town’s only fire truck was trapped in a local Canada Day Parade as it attempted to respond to a fire that was sparked at a nearby business. Volunteer firefighters go…
Canada celebrates 150 years since finding totally uninhabited piece of land on which to build country
CANADA – Calling it a “stroke of great luck” and “just about the most you can hope for”, Canadians everywhere are celebrating the good fortune of their ancestors, who found 10 million squar…
Canadian journalist held captive overseas by chatty friend from college
TEHRAN, IRAN – Officials have confirmed that the journalist being held hostage in a leaked Instagram video is Ottawa resident Emilia Allens. “It’s a very tense situation: Ms. Allens a…
Nation’s Millennials celebrate four days of time-and-a-half pay
CANADA- The nation’s underemployed Millennials have reason to be excited as this July 1st weekend marks the ancient four-day celebration of time-and-a-half pay, thus allowing them to finally earn…
As a giant rubber duck, I demand to know why I am here
Canada’s sesquicentennial is a joyous event, I gather. And so far, I have seen some of your waterfront and had my picture taken with many of your citizens, many of whom seem to be happy at the si…
Study: tea bag string dropping into hot water God’s way of saying “Fuck you, Darryl”
PARIS — Researchers from France have confirmed that when your tea bag string falls into a hot cup of water, little paper tab and all, it is God’s very personal way of saying “Yeah guess wha…
I’m starting to think I might not do great in prison – by Jared Kushner
You know, there’s something about being investigated by the FBI for attempting to set up a dubious back-channel to the Kremlin that just gets a guy thinking. People are using words like “es…
Counter-protesters to First Nations tepee on Parliament Hill set up traditional suburb
OTTAWA – Counter-protesters have erected a traditional sprawling suburb on Parliament Hill in response to a group of grassroots indigenous activists who set up a tepee for the Canada 150 ce…
Report: Girlfriend has weirdly shaped measuring cup
PORT PERRY, ON – Early reports indicate that Nick Wincenty’s common-law partner, Tracey Miriana, has small, silicone measuring cup for some unknown purpose. Wincenty made the perplexing dis…
