Am I the only one currently rubbing cocoa butter on myself while listening to “Careless Whisper?”
By: CHRISTINE NEWMAN At first, staying in on Saturday night seemed like a boring time, a classic party for one. But to my surprise, after having a bath I ended up rubbing cocoa butter on myself w…
Campus newspaper breaks week old news
KINGSTON, ON – After staying up all night, student journalist at The Sovereign Digest Victoria O’Reilly and her team felt confident that they could deliver a breaking news story that surfac…
God sick of shutting all these doors and opening all these fucking windows
Heaven – The omnipresent being that created all of existence is reportedly growing tired of shutting multiple doors for humans and then being expected to also open a corresponding window. “…
Man appointed as head of Women’s Advisory Board promises he ‘has many women friends’
TORONTO – Catalyst Canada, a non-profit organisation whose mandate is to further the advancement of women in the workplace, has just replaced their former chair, human man, Bill Downe, with…
Rob Schneider and David Spade brought in to spice up Adam Sandler’s marriage
LOS ANGELES – Variety reported this morning that Adam Sandler’s marriage, a long-running project with actress Jacqueline Titone, may be getting a shakeup with the addition of Rob Schneider …
Study: Yes, you are too old to start learning karate
HAMILTON – After years of study, including extensive human trials and multiple data analysis models, a team of researchers at McMaster University have concluded that you are in fact to old …
James Woods decries liberals as “children”, immediately invites them on Vegas weekend
HOLLYWOOD, CA – After being subject to allegations of unsavoury conduct towards minors this week, actor and outspoken republican James Woods angrily took to twitter, dismissing his liberal …
Cassini spacecraft responds to self-destruct order with cryptic laugh
PASADENA – Experts at the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory are stumped, and more than a little disturbed, by the cryptic laugh they received from the Cassini spacecraft in response to the sel…
How To Go Vegan…Next Week
You’re definitely going to do it this time. Definitely.…
BC premier condemns violence on both sides of wildfires
Victoria, BC—British Columbia premier John Horgan held a news conference to sharply criticize both the wildfires raging across the province and the people fighting them. “We can all agree that fi…
