Progress: The new Toronto Police cruiser no longer comes painted with the Confederate flag

Finally. After months of public pressure, the Toronto Police have finally announced their new police cruisers will no longer come painted with the Dixieland Stars and Bars. “The public seems to f…

Report: Lone hair on woman’s otherwise bare chin won’t give up

MONCTON, NB – In what is shaping up to be a tale of triumph and resilience, a lone hair on the otherwise bare chin of local woman, Gillian Scholl, shows no signs of giving up. The 41-year-old dis…

Facebook memories tells Mark Zuckerberg it’s been one year since he accidentally helped rig U.S. election

  A glimpse into Mark Zuckerberg’s election facebook memories.…

Spectator clearly pretending he understands rugby rules

GUELPH, ON – Early reports indicate that rugby spectator Marco Kelley has absolutely no idea about the rules of rugby union gameplay. For roughly 20 minutes, Kelley blended in with the othe…

Nation races to watch their favourite artists’ work before they’re revealed to be sexual predators too

  Are you motivated enough to sit through all of Horace and Pete?…

Sephora launches new service where they break into your home and put makeup on you while you sleep

SAN FRANCISCO – Makeup retailer Sephora has introduced a new program where one of their employees will break into your home in the middle of the night and do your makeup for you while you s…

Emotionally unavailable boyfriend cries as sports legend retires

BROCKVILLE, ON – Reports this evening indicate that 27-year-old Dillon Carsaw, who up until now has shown little to no sign of emotional affection towards others, has spent the past two hou…

Demolition of community centre proceeds after rich developer proves to be amazing breakdancer

VANCOUVER – Despite efforts by local b-boy collective Kozmik Katz, and their age-old rivals the Zero-G Crew, to join forces and save their community centre through breakdancing, demolition …

Analysis: How will Montreal’s new mayor run the city with no experience in corruption?

MONTREAL – On Sunday, Montreal elected its first female mayor in the city’s 375 year history, but some political analysts are skeptical about Valérie Plante and her lack of experience in th…

House Republicans roll out tax break on ‘thoughts and prayers’

WASHINGTON D.C. — In the wake of several deadly mass shootings, including one in Sutherland Springs, Texas, GOP lawmakers introduced a substantial tax break on the ‘thoughts and prayers’ th…