Palestinians recognize Texas as part of Mexico
JERUSALEM – In response to US President Donald Trump’s recognition of Jerusalem as the Israeli capital, the Palestinian National Authority has announced that it will recognize Texas as a st…
Health Canada tightens food safety regulations by changing 5 second rule to 3 seconds
OTTAWA – Health Canada and the Canadian Food Inspection Agency are changing their food safety regulations and guidelines on eating something that fell on the floor. “When it comes to consum…
Heritage Minute: Boil Water Advisory
A part of our heritage for how long?…
More farmers using Ontario PC platform as fertilizer for its high quality bullshit
LISTOWEL, ON – Farmers across Ontario have already started using the provincial PC Party’s platform to fertilize their fields as the policies outlined are nutrient rich in bullshit. Allan O…
Autocorrect nightmare: Typo in Bill C-45 legalizes cannibalism instead of cannabis
OTTAWA – Canada is one step closer to the accidental legalization of cannibalism after the House of Commons passed a typo-ridden Bill C-45, formerly known as The Cannabis Act. “I think no o…
Nation terrified after Uber hack threatens to reveal our embarrassing Uber history
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
After Olympic ban, Russia to stick to cheating at the foreign election level
LAUSANNE, SUI – In the wake of the International Olympic Committee’s ban on Russian athletes at next year’s Winter Olympics for doping, The Russian Federation announced that it will return …
Study: Rats don’t like it when scientists give them cancer
ST. CATHARINES – After years of clinical trials a group of researchers at Brock University have conclusively proven that rats do not enjoy being given cancer. “For as long as humanity has k…
QUIZ: Jesus, what was that, a deer?
Oh, shit. Holy shit, Jesus. What the hell was that, it shot out right in front of the car. Jesus Christ, look at the hood of the car! What was that, like a deer or something? Take this quiz and f…
DC lawyers insist Trump cannot be found guilty of obstruction of justice because he doesn’t know the word ‘obstruction’
WASHINGTON — Following Donald Trump’s apparent admission via Twitter that he was aware of criminal wrongdoing when he asked former FBI director James Comey to halt an investigation into former ai…
