TORONTO – As part of an initiative to reduce TPS’ carbon footprint, 30 police cruisers have been replaced with one state of the art police streetcar. “We expect some growing pains for sure,” sai...
I’m pretty sure that crossing guard thinks I’m a kid
By: David Hester, 33. Does that crossing guard think I’m a kid? We definitely made eye contact when I was waiting for the walk signal at an intersection I would describe as “not worthy of concern.” I’...
Doug Ford finds millions in efficiencies in brother’s widow’s inheritance
Etobicoke, ON – After Renata Ford, his brother’s widow, accused him of stealing money from her Rob Ford’s estate, Doug Ford issued a statement showing how his cost-cutting measures actually help...
Disneyland creates immersive fairytale experience by turning workers into feudal serfs
Anaheim, CA – Taking the lead in the new immersive entertainment trend, Disneyland has begun treating their workers like peasants to provide park goers with an authentic feudal experience that m...
Lifelong New Democrat excited to vote NDP for first time
Peterborough, ON – Having been a die-hard NDP supporter since he was in undergrad, local man Jason Newman, 33, is looking forward to not strategically voting for the Liberals in order to beat th...
Woman dies under accumulated mountain of small, quaint succulents
GUELPH, ON – Police have confirmed that 32 year old Olivia Siegel passed away Sunday afternoon underneath a mountain of quaint little succulents of her own creation. The young woman had begun co...
Roommate realizes she can clean the whole floor and not just the parts that show
HAMILTON, ON – Making a what sources are calling a “breakthrough,” local Roommate, Cicely McDonald, discovered this week that she can sweep and mop the entire floor, and not just the sections t...
Leaked Ontario election poll shows Ontarians ranked dead last
TORONTO – A newly leaked poll from EKOS research shows that Ontarians are poised to be the losers in the upcoming provincial election. “The popular vote is deadlocked between the NDP and the Con...
Ordinary woman lifts car to rescue helpless burrito
TORONTO – Local woman Emily Pallister went above and beyond today, summoning superhuman strength to save her defenseless carne asada burrito that was about to be crushed by a careless driver. “I...
Kathleen Wynne loses Kathleen Wynne endorsement
TORONTO — As the provincial election looms, Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne announced that she is rescinding her endorsement of Liberal leader Kathleen Wynne. “This was a difficult decision, but ...
