TORONTO – Local woman Emily Pallister went above and beyond today, summoning superhuman strength to save her defenseless carne asada burrito that was about to be crushed by a careless driver.
“I guess my protective instincts kicked in,” explained Emily Pallister. “They say there’s no limit to what women can do when something they truly care about is threatened.”
Pallister had been crossing the street, carrying her precious Mexican delicacy, when she tripped over a pothole causing the burrito to spill from her hands directly behind the rear wheel of a reversing Subaru Outback.
“The wheel started to smush one side of the burrito, I even saw some of the salsa oozing out,” said bystander Charles Mayhew. “But then this woman stepped in, grabbed the bumper, and flung the car into the middle of the road. The driver was, like, really injured.”
While men are usually viewed as the protectors of wrapped food anthropologists say women have been protecting burritos, tacos, and even shawarmas for thousands of years, dating back to the discovery of a mangled 20,000 year-old skeleton of a cave bear that got too close to a cavewoman’s chimichanga.
At press time, Pallister had ripped a restaurant counter from its moorings after an employee informed her they’d removed enchiladas from their menu.