Man who dies of heart attack in underfunded hospital in 2021 tells family he’s voting for Doug Ford
Etobicoke, ON – Aaron Harris, who will die in a waiting room of a myocardial infarction in three years, has announced to his family that he plans on voting for Doug Ford and his policy of a…
Trump Admin explains 1,475 missing migrant children “not so bad if you think of them as ‘animals'”
WASHINGTON D.C. — Amidst reports that Health and Human Services has lost track of nearly 1,500 unaccompanied migrant minors, White House officials have insisted the number is less horrifyin…
World War II ruined! Battlefield V poster features woman soldier
LOS ANGELES – In a shockingly disrespectful display of tone-deaf pandering, video game studio DICE ruined World War II yesterday by placing a woman on the poster of the latest Battlefield v…
Mum just called to say hi, tell you Uncle Jay died
WINNIPEG — What appeared to be a routine catch-up call took a dark turn when your mother, Moya Fitzpatrick, 65, casually informed you that your uncle Jason had passed away. “She didn’t even…
Loyalty! This man signed up to support Doug Ford even though he’s dead
It’s election time in Ontario and Ford Nation is fired up! One man from Etobicoke is doing his part in the face of incredible adversity, and it’s inspiring AF! Darryl Homesworth signed up to be a…
New Drake album mostly just songs about how he’s never won anything in Roll Up The Rim
TORONTO, ON – While details of rapper Drake’s new album “Scorpion” have been kept secretive to fans and media alike, some news about the album expected to be released in June 2018 surfaced …
Report: Large protein whey container clearly compensating
PENTICTON, BC – Early reports indicate that a bulky 5 lbs container of protein whey is clearly compensating. While appearing to be powerful and tough, those close to the Optimum Nutrition 1…
Trump demands two Nobel Peace Prizes for cancelling North Korea Summit
WASHINGTON D.C. — Following the surprise announcement that the White House has unilaterally backed out of a planned summit with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, President Donald Trump has d…
Ontario Green Party leader Mike Schreiner unsure who to vote for
GUELPH, ON – With the campaign for the Premiership of Ontario now well underway, Ontario Green Party leader Mike Schreiner revealed that he is still undecided as to which party will earn h…
“You just don’t remember Bob Rae,” lectures Ontario man who doesn’t remember Mike Harris
GEORGETOWN, ON – A local Ontario man giving a history lesson to younger voters about the dangers of electing an NDP provincial government has failed to recall what happened when a PC provin…
