KINGSTON, ON – After repeated warnings from bar owner Glen Hobschmeer to tone it down, a rowdy trivia team has been issued a life ban from bars citywide that host game nights centering on information of little importance.
The team in question, ‘Trivia Newton-John,’ had received multiple complaints from both staff and patrons due to their boorish and aggressive gameplay. Incidents in the past have included broken glasses, slander, minor arson, and worst of all, repeated challenges to the correct answer.
When informed by the MC of ‘Let’s Get Quizzical: An 80s Pop Trivia Night’ that the round of questions was indeed ‘just a game’ meant for the purposes of entertainment, team captain Sheela Bahri stormed up to his booth and spat in his eye.
“Just a game?! They’re trying to tell us it’s just a game?!” Bahri yelled dumping some Gatorade she had snuck in on the back of her neck. “We train all week on our phones, playing on inane trivia apps, to prepare for Sunday night. We come to this competition with the intention of winning that free round of beer, even if it means death.”
Crissy Mourney, a bartender, looked on at the team with a pained expression, adding, “They just look like they really need this win. I mean they have an intensity that really isn’t called for.”
“If I can’t use my inappropriate knowledge of Simpsons’ quotes here, then where can I?” Bahri pleaded while being led out of the bar.