Removing toxic mold from the workplace is PC culture run amok
By ELEANOR THINKPIECE As a straight, cisgender white person, I know my opinion doesn’t count for much these days. But someone has to say it; the current movement to cleanse our workplaces of toxi…
BC – Alberta standoff has rest of country dangerously close to paying attention to west coast politics
CANADA – With increased tension between British Columbia and Alberta over the Trans Mountain pipeline, including threats of an oil embargo, the rest of the country is scared that they are o…
Bank of Canada introduces first vertical bill after employee forgets to select ‘Landscape mode’
OTTAWA – The Bank of Canada was forced to submit into circulation a vertical $10 bill after a worker at the Canadian Bank Note Company failed to select ‘Landscape mode’ from the print…
Conservatives find a new use for the barbaric practice of conversion therapy: converting gay men to conservative party voters.
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
Report: Smug hotshot too good to climb stairs one step at a time
WINDSOR, ON – Early reports indicate that some pompous prick is far too good to walk up a set of stairs one step at a time like the rest of us. Nathaniel Smeeton, a conceited university stu…
Tom Mulcair sad no one noticed when he went to the Sikh separatist rallies
OTTAWA – Former NDP leader Tom Mulcair is reportedly upset that current leader Jagmeet Singh’s appearances alongside Sikh separatists are attracting more attention then his frequent and far…
Women! Stop worrying about your “bikini body.” Here are 6 other things you can worry about instead!
The world has embraced body positivity: You don’t need to be a certain way in order to be beautiful! So now what spring is upon us, why not spend your limited time on this Earth worrying about a …
Toronto Zoo sending giant pandas to Calgary to make space for one colossal panda
TORONTO — Zoo staff are bidding a fond farewell as the four giant pandas they hosted for several years are being sent to the Calgary Zoo in order to make space for one colossal panda. “It’s been …
Trump fires teenagers investigating his old haunted amusement park
ATLANTIC CITY — While investigating a reportedly-haunted amusement park, four local teen sleuths and their crime-solving great dane had their case halted by an unlikely source: current Pres…
Armed U.S. teacher arrested for carrying gun containing trace amounts of peanut
EL PASO, TX — A high school teacher in Texas who was participating in a pilot program that armed teachers with guns to ensure school safety has been arrested for bringing in a gun that cont…
