DRUMMONDVILLE, QC – According to a detailed study of birthday cards received and samples of holiday dinner smalltalk, analysts are reporting that your uncle Victor has not made any updates to hi...
Majority of Canadians relieved they can no longer afford to live in Vancouver
OTTAWA — Following a report showing that Vancouver is now the least affordable housing market in North America, millions of Canadians have expressed relief that living there is no longer an opti...
Nation forbids Mueller from playing games on his iPad until final report is handed in
Washington, DC – After the dismissal of Attorney General Jeff Sessions this week, the U.S. nation has expressed great concerns regarding the likelihood of Robert Mueller’s report on the Russian ...
Woman discovers entire personality is complaining about being tired
HAMILTON, ON — After finally benefitting from a restful night’s sleep due to a Daylight Savings mishap, Vera Woods, has officially realized that her personality only consists of complaining abou...
Lonely woman relieved to know at least her phone is listening
HAMILTON, ON – After what felt like years of being invisible to the rest of the world, local lonely woman Nancy Opham was relieved to discover this week that her phone has been listening to her ...
Millions of Americans line up to give Ruth Bader Ginsburg one of their ribs
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Millions of Americans across the country swarmed their local hospitals Thursday, offering up their ribs to Ruth Bader Ginsburg. The long-serving Supreme Court Justice fracture...
Update: Poppy already lost
CANADA – Recent reports indicate that you have already lost your poppy that was attached to your jacket, sweater, or hat a few moments after pinning it there. The symbol of remembrance slid off ...
Mysterious leftover IKEA parts placed in bin with the others
ETOBICOKE, ON – Not having a clue of what else to do with them, a local man placed the baffling extra pieces that came with a recently purchased “BILLY” bookcase inside a large bin in the close...
Ontario’s new “open for business” signs criticized for failing to indicate operating hours
QUEEN’S PARK — Doug Ford’s new Welcome to Ontario signs featuring the slogan “Open for Business” have generated controversy amongst taxpayers for leaving out Ontario’s business hours. “I f...
The Beaverton will pay whatever it takes to not see Tony Clement’s dick
Luke and the Panel (Michael Balazo, Kristy LaPointe and Ian MacIntyre) try not to get overwhelmed by how much news there is. They start by recapping the midterm elections and CNN’s coverage (1:4...
