Maxime Bernier claims he doesn’t have white privilege due to systemic bias he faces for being an asshole
OTTAWA – After a twitter confrontation in which he accused MP Celina Caesar-Chavannes of “thinking the world revolves around [her] skin colour”, former CPC leadership candidate Maxime Bernier has…
Embarrassed scientists reveal alien radio signal was actually meant for a planet behind us
Mountain View, CA—Astronomers at the SETI Institute have confirmed that a radio signal originated from an advanced alien civilization, but was intended for a different planet behind Earth. “This …
Nation appalled by the U.S. losing 1500 migrants not as concerned that Canada has lost 4,000 Indigenous women
OTTAWA – Since the story of the U.S. immigration enforcement agency known as ICE losing 1500 migrant children went viral over the weekend, thousands of people from the country that ignored …
Thrifty! How to spice up your sex life with that damn IKEA chair everyone owns
Looking to take your sex life to the next level but finding yourself cash strapped? Think the hefty price tag and aerial nature of a sex swing is too extravagant for you? Well then dust off that …
Poll: Majority of Ontarians somewhat creeped out with Doug Ford calling them ‘friends’
TORONTO – A new Ekos Research poll has revealed that a majority of Ontarians find it somewhat weird or very weird that Doug Ford keeps calling them friends despite not having a friendship. …
CFL teams exceed salary cap due to minimum wage hike
TORONTO, ON – With preparations for the start of the 2018 CFL season well underway, several teams were greeted with a surprise at the start of training camp upon realizing the raised minimu…
Mom cannot remember title of favourite song
Napanee, ON —Despite a concerted attempt to summon helpful memories, and numerous prompting questions from family and friends, local mom Diane Peters is unable to recall the title, artist or era …
Doug Ford nothing like Donald Trump, says man who would gladly have voted for Donald Trump
ETOBICOKE, ON – Donald Trump and Doug Ford are ‘nothing alike’ according to new research from one local man who gladly would have voted for a senile rapist war criminal. “The comparison is totall…
Man who dies of heart attack in underfunded hospital in 2021 tells family he’s voting for Doug Ford
Etobicoke, ON – Aaron Harris, who will die in a waiting room of a myocardial infarction in three years, has announced to his family that he plans on voting for Doug Ford and his policy of a…
Trump Admin explains 1,475 missing migrant children “not so bad if you think of them as ‘animals'”
WASHINGTON D.C. — Amidst reports that Health and Human Services has lost track of nearly 1,500 unaccompanied migrant minors, White House officials have insisted the number is less horrifyin…
