Eight year-old pretty sure her army dad is hiding in that cardboard box in the middle of school gymnasium
ST. LOUIS – Third grader Emily Harris is reporting a high degree of confidence that her father, who has been stationed in Afghanistan for almost 18 months, is hiding in that large, conspicuous bo…
New Ontario Safety Minister reveals he wore bulletproof vest to see Black Panther
TORONTO — Michael Tibollo, the first-time cabinet minister heading Ontario’s anti-racism directorate, informed the legislature that he recently wore a bulletproof vest to a screening of the…
Magnificent King of the Internet announces construction of 5000 beautiful new websites in his honour
INTERNET CITY – Speaking from the balcony of his glowing, digital e-palace, the resplendent King of the Internet announced this morning that he would commission 5000 beautiful new websites …
Tragedy strikes as Marineland trainer killed by captive human being
NIAGARA FALLS, ON – Disaster struck at one of Canada’s leading wildlife parks today, as yet another trainer was killed by the park’s star human being, Dave. “It seemed like everything was g…
Quiz: Can you pass the 1998 Sex-Ed Curriculum final exam?
As you may have heard from the people screaming about it online, Ontario’s new PC Government has announced they will be immediately repealing the 2015 Sex-Ed Curriculum, and “temporarily” replaci…
New trending diet aims to make you a dinner party nightmare
TORONTO – As a result of the skyrocketing popularity of the “Ooo I can’t have that” diet, Canadians all over the country are making healthier decisions and ultimately becoming catering nightmares…
Canada deploys 250 passive-aggressive peacekeepers to Mali
GAO – The twin rotors from the Chinook helicopters brought up red dust in their wake as the helicopters carrying the lead contingent of Canada’s UN passive-aggressive peacekeeping force lan…
Canada cuts out middleman in US trade war by negotiating directly with Putin
MOSCOW – The Canadian government has relocated its NAFTA trade negotiations to Russia, a diplomatic maneuver that will eliminate US President Donald Trump as a middleman. Five Canadian memb…
Doug Ford says asylum-seekers have run his business into the ground and stolen Renata’s inheritance
ETOBICOKE, ON – After claiming asylum-seekers were responsible for Toronto’s housing crisis, Doug Ford has added to the list of accusations, saying they’ve criminally mismanaged his family busine…
Rich friend suggests going to concert
CALGARY – Dave O’Neil, a local man who must have family money or something, has suggested to his group of friends that they all go see the upcoming Foo Fighters concert. “I think it would b…
