BURNABY, BC – Several protesters have been arrested after chaining themselves to equipment in an effort to block further construction on Canada’s controversial essential oil pipeline.
A large contingent of the RCMP was called in to confront dozens of anti-aromatherapy groups who held signs declaring “Fragrance-Free BC” and “Don’t Dilute Our Environment.”
“Big Essential Oil has been destroying our workplace scent-free policies and recklessly filling the air with peppermint, lemongrass, and cloves,” said David Smith, one of the protesters. “What if the pipeline ruptures and spills? Our pristine rivers and majestic forests will smell like sweet orange!”
Proponents of the pipeline say that the Canada’s alternative medicine economy is built around people rubbing scented oils into their skin to make themselves believe that they’re doing something for their health.
“Thousands of jobs in BC depend on transporting essential oils to herbal product stores by pipeline,” said Northern Extract Pipeline CEO Gail Johnson. “There is a high demand for middle-aged women to oil themselves up in natural-smelling hydrophobic liquids, so we need to get this pipeline built. Plus, it’s safer than rail.”